Why Disney+ misunderstood the character Boba Fett, and so did you.

The premier of The Last Jedi left many trifled by Disney's handling of the character Luke Skywalker. A change.org petition went up to remake the eighth Star Wars. Largely on the grounds that it "completely destroyed the legacy of Luke Skywalker."

That doesn't matter much. But I am offended by one egregious Star Wars mischaracterization under Disney—

BOBA FETT DOESN'T FALL DOWN A SINGLE TIME IN HIS TITULAR SHOW. HE DOESN'T FLY INTO ANY WALLS, ONLY MISSES ONE OR TWO SHOTS INSTEAD OF ALL HIS SHOTS…

41 years after the character debuted to high acclaim in Empire Strikes Back, Disney made a seven-episode mini-series for the fan-favorite character, and—

HE DOESN'T EVEN GET ALL UP IN THE FACES OF MEN WHO COULD CRUSH HIM WITH A FLICK OF THE WRIST. NOT ONCE DOES HE JET PACK FROM A DISTANCE, RIGHT INTO SWINGING RANGE OF A SWORDFIGHTER, ONLY TO HAVE HIS GUN CUT IN HALF AND GET HIT IN THE BACK BY A BLIND MAN? THEN, THEY FLY INTO A WALL AND FALL OFF A CLIFF INTO A BIG HOLE TO GET EATEN BY A MONSTER.

No, fanboys and fangirls, they didn't get Luke all too wrong, but Boba Fett… They did him dirty.

So what is Boba Fett?

Original trilogy Boba Fett is only good at stalking people. That's the only skill on his resume. He gets hired because he looks the part and can show up at the job. He has no talent. He's a rather dumb, play it cool, Mr. Magoo, fallin' on his bum type character.

Rather than leaning into his proper characterization, Disney Plus makes him just another cool gunslinger in a Star Wars property.

For 8 years I’ve held this Boba Fett opinion, ever since Disney Star Wars brought it to my moody teenage attention. Force Awakens established in canon that stormtroopers are child soldiers, not clones. Whereas previously, Boba Fett is an idiot because he's the same genome as stormtroopers.

Boba Fett is exponentially increased in value by all those stories called "legends." In which, he's a cool badass, and that's just the thing he's not. Legends are what he and the universe think he is. Inside his big dumb head, he thinks he can take on a room full of bounty hunters and kill Jedi.

In his very first scene in Empire Strikes Back…

The supreme badass of the universe singles him out and scolds him like a high school teacher." We need him alive. (In case that wasn't obvious enough)No disintegration!" This shows in the past, he's been hired to bring people in alive- instead, he disintegrated them. So often has this happened that overlord Darth Vader is aware of Fett's reputation.

So Why is he a top-ranked bounty hunter?

It's serious when I said before that his only skill is stalking. That's important. That's how he's gotten to this point. The point where he's hired by the Second in Command of The Universe to hunt down The most valuable target. The reason this MORON is even worth consideration is his ability to track a target quicker. Ultimately, this is the only thing he contributes to the Empire.

In Return of the Jedi, we visit him on his home planet. Here, his stalking skills are not needed. Here, he shows us firsthand all the other skills he doesn't have.

I doubt you are understanding how not-joking I am.

Disney Misunderstood Boba Fett. These people made a whole series where the character goes around being a badass. That’s like making a series where Luke Skywalker goes around killing children. Yes, Luke is a remorseless mass killer, but he doesn't kill children directly. And yes, Boba Fett is a cool bounty hunter, but he's also Boba Fett.

We all know why he's a failure— ladies and gentlemen of the court, he originated from the Star Wars holiday special…

Case Closed.

If The Book of Boba Fett has soured your Star Wars flavor, step back with me to Force Awakens and Last Jedi- the critical differences between JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson. We also have a seven part analysis series releasing soon, detailing the rise and fall of Star Wars Disney.